HOW TO GET OUT OF THE "TALKING" PHASE

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE "TALKING" PHASE

Dec 4th 2018

Getting yourself out of the notorious "situationship" isn't easy, but it is possible.


You just started talking to this awesome new guy and you’re both hitting off. It starts off with so much possibility. You have great conversations and he’s interested in what you did that day, he wants to know why you’re so interested in the 20th century, about your new internship and then suddenly you catch yourself checking your phone to find nothing for hours or even days. Now, you’re posting on your Snapchat story (like a modern day Gatsby holding parties to see if Daisy will attend), just to see if he will watch it. You haven’t learned any new information on him recently since he hasn’t talked to you much so you look at his Instagram pics again and hope you don’t accidentally like one, but you don’t because you’re a pro at this by now and know not to go too fast when scrolling. We’ve all been there.

He would text you back relatively fast and had interesting replies. He would start the conversations. Well now you’re in the “talking phase” and you’re confused and uncertain. You overthink every message he sends to you. You ask your friends to help you over-analyze his text and you pick every detail of the message, including his period at the end of that sentence he just wrote. You freak out a little when you send him a long message and he replies back with something generic or short, if he even replies at all. But he’s still interested right? I mean at least he replied…

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STAY CHILL HUNNY BUNNY.

No, for real. The first word of advice is to be chill about the entire situation. I like to say that guys can smell desperation from a mile away because if you act even the least bit clingy in this stage, they will notice. So calm down, chill out and be fun. When texting or talking to them, be positive and uplifting. Show interest in them but down fawn all over them. Give them a compliment or two and make sure to always be positive and happy when you are together but don’t start freaking out about them not texting you back fast enough or wanting to see you enough. Stop checking Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook to see if he’s online. I know how it feels when you send a text and you’re anxiously waiting for a reply only to get nothing for hours, but don’t send a follow up text (at least in the very beginning). Acting un-phased by his non-responsiveness will gain his attention because it shows that you didn’t even think twice about him not texting you back. You didn’t even notice and he will not get the ego boost from receiving a second or third follow up text from you.

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BE A BUSY, MOTIVATED PERSON.

Chase your dreams, participate in your hobbies, and tell him about it! If he texts you and you’re in the middle of something, don’t stop what you’re doing to text him. Know that you are important and he can wait until you finish doing what you were doing. I promise he is doing the same for you. When you do text him back, make sure it’s fun and interesting. Nothing is worse than getting a text like “Hey” without any context. Mentioning texting, let him text you first a good deal of the time. If you’re anything like me, you’re super chatty and have a tendency to get excited when your friends text you about a subject you love, let alone when your crush texts you. The thing is, you shouldn’t be the one having to start all the conversations. And seeing that your crush is the one to start the conversation will feel even better than getting a short text back. When you do text him though, mix things up and surprise him with how funny and witty you are. Send him snap pics sometimes to get conversations going or send him a funny meme that was relevant to something you talked about in the past. Don’t be afraid to playfully flirt with him as well.

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INTEGRATE INTO HIS LIFE.

If you two have been a few dates now, it’s the time to integrate into his life and show him that you are so much more than just a “passing girl” in his life. You are amazing and a wonderful edition to his day. Show interest in his hobbies and suggest that you two do one of them together and then try and make it something that you two do regularly. When you show interest in his hobbies, you’re showing that you are interested in his hobbies or that you are willing to try new things even if it’s not something that you normally would be interested in. He loves his hobbies and he will associate positive feelings with you doing them with him and therefore positive feelings towards you. However do not show interest in his hobbies if you are not being genuine. Don’t become obsessed with something he’s interested in just because he does it. Be honest with him and yourself about it, but also open minded to learning new things.

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MENTIONING FEELINGS...

Don’t go into details about all your feelings with him yet. Do not be the first one to mention being in a relationship. As soon as you mention the word “relationship”, he gets nervous. No matter how interested he might be, at first, the word relationship can be scary. Relationship implies commitment and the fact that you are the one to mention it can put pressure on him and make him not want to be in one just because he did not come upon the idea organically and on his own. Have your parent ever asked you to do something that you were already planning to do but as soon as they tell you to do it, you suddenly didn’t want to do it anymore? It’s like that. Let him be the first one to mention a relationship first so you know it’s what he wants.

SUGGEST FUN DATES

(when the opportunity arises.) Don’t just go to dinner or to the movies. (Movies are actually a really bad first date idea because you’re not talking and getting to know each other at all.) Go to a museum, the zoo, ice skating, do a photo shoot, go thrift shopping, or even go to the beach. Show him that you are fun and do something that gets you both out of your comfort zone. Change in life, never happens through staying in your comfort zone and change in a ”situationship” won’t happen if you are both staying in your comfort zone.

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GIVE HIM SPACE.

Let him have his own time and understand that he wants time to do the things he enjoys. You started liking him because of who he is as a person so let him keep “being who he is”. Understand that space is a good thing and that you both need space so that you stay being the interesting, fun person he originally started to like.

Don’t give him boyfriend/husband benefits. Men crave instant gratification and delaying gratification will force him into re-channeling his energy.

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PULL AWAY IF HE STARTS PULLING AWAY.

Have you heard the saying that you only want something when you can’t have it? Well, make yourself something he can’t have. If he starts to seem like he’s bread-crumbing you with texts and isn’t trying to make new plans to go out with you then stop replying. Stop humoring him behavior. It’s so hard to not want to text him back immediately but if you start fearing a ghost then start pulling away and see if his behavior changes.

In fact, pull away if you start seeing red flags. We have a tendency to wear rose-colored glasses and ignore red flags (girls specifically for some reason). Don’t stick around just because you know it would hurt to leave. If you feel like he’s going to be bad news then have respect for yourself and leave if you have the gut feeling to.

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TAKE THINGS SLOW.

Go with the flow. Don’t try to push for commitment or a relationship or even too much of his time, too fast because then it won’t feel organic. Love and relationships develop best when they are allowed to form naturally and slowly. Get to know him. Don’t give away too many details about yourself too fast and let there be mysteriousness about you.

ABOVE ALL, KNOW YOUR WORTH AND THEN ADD TAX.

You are amazing and whoever you end up with should see that too or they just aren’t the right person for you.